I am an individual with a creative streak that is a mile wide. I love to write, I love to photograph, I love to draw, I love to sing, and I love to decorate.
Sounds great, right?
It is, except for with so many variations of creativity it can be quite distracting. The different pulls on my creativity can be so distracting that I may not put forth my best on any one area. That is when there is a problem.
I have become tied up in the berating myself here lately. See, I know I can do better when the conditions are right. The problem being that the conditions are not perfect and my full expectations are not met. I am distracted.
I have learned over the years how to control my quirks so that hardly anybody will notice them. Unfortunately, here lately I have been overwhelmed. The manifestation on my mind causes me to not be able to focus.
This lack of focus can be rather interesting. For the typical person, if they are unable to focus, they may forget their keys or a grocery list. For me, it is much different. When I lose my focus, I start with forgetting where I have placed things but then it gets worse. I get grouchy and moody, depending on what the causes of my lack of focus are. Then, when I know I have to step back and take some time off, I lose my filter. Not everybody understands that term. What is a filter?
In this instance, a filter is a gatekeeper or a channel that keeps the thinking before speaking in check. When the filter shuts down, I speak before I think but I also lose the ability to see where what I say can be received harshly. The basic social aspect of communication goes out the window.
Another side effect of my lack of focus is I become oddly sensitive. Say I was to say something that was harsh and the person I said it to complained about it to somebody else. This situation would wound me. The reason? Because when I am overwhelmed, I only allow certain people around me for more than pleasantries. This is because I expect those I allow in to understand me.
Man, I realize this looks like a rather selfish post. Sorry about that. I just feel the need to explain things. In order to do so, I have to talk about me. Anyhow, about writing and photography.
With my writing... my inner editor continually second-guesses what I write and I have been unable to complete a manuscript in two years. That takes a toll. Sure, I was making excuses, like having academic papers and research papers to write while working on various projects with church and school. (I am not saying these projects were not worth doing, they just took away from my desires.) I need to be able to focus. There is a story that has been evolving in my head for years and I need to get it written.
With my photography... I am eagerly waiting for the person that I can collaborate with and we can have an amazing photo shoot. Although I look forward to working with everybody. I feel the work I have done is lacking mostly because I am facing challenges that I knew would be there if I were to pursue photography as a career. I have been burned in a couple instances and regret the way things turned out. I am still taking pictures and want to enjoy working with individuals that want their portraits taken. I know I have the skill and ability; I need to work on my marketing.
Life in general. I have forgotten that I do not have to do it all. I also forgot whom I need to please and what it is that I am suppose to be doing.
I am primarily a writer. I need a part time job with deadlines. I am pursuing my Masters and will be working (still waiting on confirmation) at the school this fall. I would love to have photo-sessions once or twice a month to boost an income.
Have you ever gotten lost in the chaos around you? That is where I have been. We have had crazy personal stuff go on and instead of looking to the almighty Father; I have tried to fix it myself. This of course leads to being overwhelmed and stressed. (Which I am prone to anyway.) This however is not what God wants for us.
God wants us to be happy. He wants us to have His strength. All we have to do is call out to Him.
Blessed be the Lord, Because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. - Psalm 28:6-7 (NKJV)